I’ve spent a lot of time talking to my relatives for wisdom and advice, and I have felt like I’m being flooded with dozens of options, from the simple (apply for a job here) to the potentially life-altering (try this certification program at this college). They’re all good options, nobody is telling me to go jump off of a bridge. However, I have felt really lost in the sea of options, struggling to hear God’s voice, to know what is the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.

So, tonight I was chilling out in the prayer room after the birthday party, and I began feeling this sense of rest (or I was just sleepy, but it was more than that!) After worshipping for several minutes, I just took a row of chairs and crashed. I thought I would just rest and be in a “receiving” posture in worship, but I actually fell asleep for the better part of an hour. When I woke up, Audra Lynn was on the IHOP web stream, singing Jenn Johnson’s song, “Come to me:”

I am the Lord your God,
I go before you now.
I stand beside you
I’m all around you
And though you feel I’m far away
I’m closer than your breath
I am with you
More than you know

I am the Lord your peace
No evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind
Come into my rest
And oh, let your faith arise
And lift up your weary head
I am with you
Wherever you go

Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m everything
Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
And I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you
I’m your faithful strength
And I am with you
Wherever you go

Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m your everything
Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m your everything

Don’t look to the right or to the left, keep your eyes on me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved
Ohhhh

I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Heyyyy
Just come to me, come to me
Cause I’m all that you need

(Youtube link)

When I awoke to that song, it was like the Lord was singing it right to me! It really filled my heart with faith, and encouraged me to seek Him out for the answers to all of the issues and questions that have been plaguing me recently.

Update: The IHOP set that contains the song I heard is now available (and may only be around for a couple weeks after this post was written). Here is the direct link, and the song starts at around 1:07:40.

I was having dinner afterwards with a friend, and I remembered what another friend of mine said concerning me many years ago, “One of these days you’ll hear a really loud ‘HALLELUJAH!!!’ followed by a flash of fire, and you won’t be able to find Ram after that.’” That memory led me to coin the phrase, “Translation by combustion.”

As I was driving home, I was pondering these things, and how I very nearly went to back to familiar old (and in my opinion, futile) religious mindsets, and nearly despised the last three years of fire and passion for God in my life because I was afraid of being misled by the enemy (retreating into “religiosity” devoid of the revelation of Jesus). As I was driving home, I was listening to Jon Thurlow’s CD, “Songs about Jesus,” and the track “Every Tear.” The song started ministering to me strongly, and I put the song on repeat. Even when I got to the area I live in, I still drove around that area for about an hour, not wanting to go home just yet.

I was reminded of the cry of my heart from years ago: “I want to see the Son of Man!!” My heart started flowing and burning again with meditations based on the scriptures in the song (Revelation 7:13-17). I started praying, singing, screaming and crying out the desires of my heart, freshly exposed by the Spirit of God, and talking to God as I drove around the area I live in.

The end (purpose) of my existence is to behold, dwell with/in, and encounter the Son of Man, and everything else in my life is either secondary, or birthed out of that encounter. I encountered God’s heart in a very real and intimate way three years ago, and that has basically ruined the rest of my life (in a good way… I think!!).

The truth and desire that I reaffirmed on my little drive around the area is that I want to see, experience and dwell in the center of God’s heart. I don’t really know what that means except in the depth of my spirit, where passion and desire for God rages like an utterly abandoned madman.

Back to the catchphrase: “Translation by Combustion.” I believe that the Apostle John was an utterly wasted man after he saw, experienced, and finally wrote the Book of Revelation. Tradition has it (I love this story), that at the end of his life, since the church expected him to live forever, they would kinda prop him up, and all he would say is, “Love Jesus, and love one another.” I do not think this was his advanced age which caused him to speak and act that way. I believe that man was burned up/consumed from the inside out! He was translated by combustion. His heart was burnt up and translated to heaven/to the reality of the Book of Revelation long before his body succumbed to age. The man was burnt out — inside out!!

I remember speaking with an older friend of mine a few years ago, and what he said really marked me. He looked at me with his eyes blazing and said (concerning the Book of Revelation): “It is coming, and it is here (at the door): but it is completely real and alive in here! (pointing to his heart).” Jesus Christ, will all of His joy, love, passion, and wrath was fully revealed in my friend’s heart — he was burning alive!

Song excerpt:

These are the ones who have –

They washed their robes in the –

they washed their robes

in the blood of the Lamb!

Bible verse:

Rev 7:13

Then one of the elders addressed me, saying, “Who are these, clothed in white robes, and from where have they come?”

Rev 7:14

I said to him, “Sir, you know.” And he said to me, “These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

Rev 7:15

“Therefore they are before the throne of God,

and serve him day and night in his temple;

and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence.

Rev 7:16

“They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore;

the sun shall not strike them,

nor any scorching heat.

Rev 7:17

“For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,

and he will guide them to springs of living water,

and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

Chorus:

You and me,

We’ll be

ONE!!

It’s the beginning and the end. (x3)

I was made for love!

Scriptures:

I Corinthians 2:9

But as it is written:

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,

Nor have entered into the heart of man

The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

I Corinthians 6:17

But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

John 17:24

“Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.”

Matthew 22:37-40

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’

“This is the first and great commandment.

“And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

“On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Revelation 21:2-3

Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.

I was so gripped with the reality of this, that I listened to the song about six times back to back, weeping uncontrollably as God added yet another layer of revelation and longing for the return of Christ into my being.

Understanding that the purpose of our eternal lives will be to live with God, fully engulfed in the raging torrents of His love for us. The core of God’s being is LOVE! He is a jealous fire that consumes everything around you until He has your heart. He deserves it! God made the human heart apart from all of His creation as the one created thing that could actually experience the heights of His love. We will spend all of eternity blown away by the richness, depth, intensity and passion of His love, and the incredibly high price He paid so that He could dwell with a people who shared voluntary love with Him for eternity. We are the objects of His extreme, undying affection, zeal, passion and desire, and He will be the continual fascination and desire of our hearts forever!

The primary reason for our continued existence is to bring others to this great fellowship; to ensure that no-one misses the wedding who could have been there.

The whole reason for our existence as human beings is to know and love God. To know His love, and as the overflow of that hurricane of love percolating on the inside of us, to reach out to others with that same love. Note carefully which comes first!

For untold billions and billions of years I will be gazing at the beauty of the Son of Man, and delighting in His presence as He delights in me. I cannot think of a greater end.

Lord, hasten the day when my faith becomes sight. Hasten the day that I will stand before You with nothing but LOVE to show for all of my days on earth.

After 60/70/80/90 years of earthly human existence you will be asked ONE question:

What did you do with the love of God?

Recieve it?

Squander it?

Share it?

Refuse it?

Laugh at it?

Ignore it?

Consider it a lesser thing?

Spit in His face with your words/deeds?

Did you know it?

Did you pursue it as the highest calling in existence?

Did you try to do without, settling for having an active ministry life?

What are you going to do with the love of God?

LOVE IS THE GREATEST COMMANDMENT.

After I woke up from a critically-needed nap and had some chicken-noodle soup (good for what ails you, they say), I laid down on the couch, petting my cats. All of the confusion and aggravation of the day seemed to swirl around me. I felt let down (by God) because of the difficulty of the job, and because of the sickness that was beginning to manifest in my body, and I could feel my sense of hope receding.

I started playing a song on my cell phone; it was a recording of a live worship set by Laura Hackett from IHOP-KC:

There is no pit too deep

that Jesus cannot reach.

There is no sorrow so strong,

that would overtake Your beloved one.

And He’s brought me to the wilderness,

where I will learn to sing.

And He lets me know my barrenness,

so I will learn to lean.

On that very last part, the revelation and comfort of God came crashing into the room. With weeping, I came to the realization of what God was up to, yet again.

In every trial, God’s goal is not to have me grovel as a subservient creature (I am that, and less), but to have me wholly lean and depend on Him, as my Father, as my saviour, as the Lover of my soul.

He is the One who desires to walk with me in the mundaneness and barrenness of everyday life. He desires me to lean on Him and walk with Him, through all of the little hurts and aggravations. He will attack my self-conceited independence with His loving zeal, until all my heart is His, until everything in my life is in His presence, until we are one.

Lord, consume until there is nothing left of me that would choose to be apart from thee!

Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
leaning on her beloved?

I shared a recording of a live Misty Edwards worship set from IHOP, where she sang:

I still believe:

In the fullness of You.

You said in the latter days –

I still believe.

No disease known to man will stand.

I still believe:

That You will set my heart on fire.

I still believe:

That You will manifest Your power.

I still believe. I still believe.

Because I’m so grateful for all that You’ve given.

And I will not despise the day of small beginnings,

But God, I’m so hungry for the more.

I still believe. I still believe.

I’m so grateful for Your hand, and I’m so grateful for all You’re moving, I’m so grateful for where You’ve brought us –

But God, but God…

I still believe:

For the greater works than these.

I still believe:

For the power on the heart and the power on the hands, I believe:

That we will be a people that love You undividedly.

I still believe.

I still believe:

That Your name will be glorified.

I still believe.

I still believe:

In the middle of worship, Your presence will show up like never before.

I believe it, I believe it!

I still believe:

The stadiums will be filled with the fear of the Lord and the love of the Lord.

I believe it, I believe it!

I still believe:

That no disease known to man will stand.

I still believe in the coming rain.

And I still believe:There’ll be a place where a young man can find deliverance.

I still believe it! I still believe it! I still believe it!

And I still believe:

Many, many, many souls will come in, like the flowers of the field,

I still believe.

And I still believe:

A great awakening is coming to this land,

I still believe!

And I still believe:

The dead will rise, I believe it!

The lame will walk, I believe it, I can see it!

The deaf will hear, I believe it!

And I still believe:

That the fear of the Lord will be our portion, as the multitude see the demonstrations of power in our midst.

And I believe it.

And I still believe. I still believe:

That the dreamers will dream and the prophets will prophesy, I still believe.

And I still believe:

In that latter, latter rain. I still believe. I still believe.

So open up the heavens, just let it rain, let it rain, let it rain!

The dead will rise and testify.

I can see it and I believe it.

The blind will see and many will believe.

And I can see a great awakening, I can see a great outpouring, in the midst of a great shaking.

I believe it, I believe it.

There’ll be a sign in the heaven and a wonder in the earth, and many, many, many will see and believe and tremble, and fear You, and fear You again.

I believe, and I can see the clouds are gathering, even now, even now make us ready for the rain.

Anyway, I was sharing my heart with my brother out of this song, and when I left, I started heading back home.

Usually, I just make a beeline for the house, but I felt the Lord leading me a different way. At first I ignored it, but only a block or so into my regular (direct) route home, I took a U-turn and went back, and took the route I felt the Lord leading me on, which was totally inefficient (by my reckoning) and out of the way.

I started driving while listening to the song, and I started to really feel the Holy Spirit speak to me through the song. I really identified with His desire to manifest His power on the earth, and His desire for a resting place (Psalm 132) on the earth.

There were parts of the song while I was driving around (seemingly aimlessly, but totally in the will and plan of God) that I just sobbed openly, seeing and tasting God’s desire for planet earth — His desire to transform our lives (and our planet), hampered only by our utter contempt for His presence (I speak of Christians, not unbelievers).

At the end, when I finally started heading towards home, I could feel God’s thankfulness… that I stayed in His presence and listened to His heart concerning a matter, through a song. Friendship with God really blows my mind, especially considering what a weak and flawed vessel I am.

As we were driving to a friend’s house, a song came on the car stereo that really took me back. It was Kari Jobe singing “You are still holy.”

This really struck my heart and I remembered hearing Misty Edwards sing the song a couple years back, and how deeply it impacted me then.

Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes

Lord, I don’t deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Saviour
And I’m at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up ’til now
It belongs to You
You are still holy

I really had a moment worshiping the Lord in the van there, and the song put to rest so many questions I had lingering issues in my life, and healed so much of the aimless wandering of the last couple of years.

No matter what the rest of my life looks life, my primary occupation will be loving Jesus. I’m not going to be anxious for what I think my life should be. As long as He is in the center of it, everything else can look horrible on the outside and it won’t matter.

I was driving home from work and I felt so “dry and crusty.” I was talking to the Lord during my drive, because I really wanted Him to interrupt and re-invigorate my ever-so “Blah” existence. I really wanted Him to direct me to a place of encounter so I could meet with Him. I was desperate because for so long I had denied Him by saying in my heart, “I’m doing ok on my own, I don’t need Your presence, God.” I remember so many instances in the last two weeks when He came to visit me (especially during work), and I just ignored Him, because I thought I was doing ok on my own.

I’m really thankful that the Lord totally blasted me with His Life, and gave me more revelation of His heart. I really had a heart cry out of Psalm 49:

Psa 49:3 My mouth shall speak wisdom, And the meditation of my heart [shall give] understanding.

It made me think… What is the meditation of my heart? Is it wisdom? Is it revelation? Is God in there hardly at all?

I’ve also been dealing with how seriously Facebook and Twitter have stolen my blogging thunder. Why spend the time to put your thought into elegant flowing prose* when you can

mash out 140 chars of TEH schweet tweets?

*Okay, nothing on my blog may pass as truly elegant prose, but at least there’s no character limit. 140 characters isn’t writing, it’s a thought packet. Makes me think of 1984 and “Newspeak”

However, I’ve been up at 5:00am the past two nights to watch the God.TV daily devotional. Mike has been teaching on James 1:4:

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (ESV)

I wish I could remember more of the teaching, but I wrote down that scripture and a couple others on an index card and took it to work with me. When work got dull or frustrating, and I wanted to hop on a time-wasting website, I just remembered that verse about persevering (steadfastness). Other times recently when I have felt the Lord’s presence restraining me (e.g. “Ok son, lets shift away from that time-wasting activity…”), I have tried to stop as quickly as possible and shift into what He wants me to do.

Let me tell you, trying to be obedient in this simple area the last couple of days has had an awesome effect on me! There’s nothing worse than closing out a day feeling quenched in your spirit and barren in your heart because you’ve wasted so much of the day, and against His admonition. Thank God for His grace and the ability to get back in His will, but it’s so awesome to go a whole day without getting out of sync and feeling quenched!

I wanted to encourage all the readers out there (lurkers, I should say… make a comment already!): Understand and remember the grace of God. Read Romans 8:1 until it is weaved into your spirit… THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION!! No matter what happened, as long as you’re born again and have repented, you are not a failure in God’s eyes!

One of the things that the Lord showed me not too long ago which so reassured my heart was that I was a success in His eyes, because after all the years I’ve known Him, I still choose Him and love Him… That I have a rich history in Him (even in the midst of what I’d call failures and even falling into sin), and in a time that the nations are becoming increasingly anti-Christ, I still love Him. That counts a LOT in the heart of God, even if you feel like you are a very weak christian. Just keep pressing in and receive the encouragement of the Holy Spirit, good bible teachers, and especially friends that are pressing into God alongside you.

Blessings!

The Call was awesome, and there were many times when I was just gripped with intercession, to the point of crying out in groaning and tears. I also loved breaking into the small prayer groups… It’s awesome to pray with some zealous intercessors! There was much needed repentance and rending of hearts there. I pray that those who went (especially myself) are marked forever, and will never again succumb to “walking as men.” (spiritual mediocrity and slumber)

I really wish that more went, but I am thankful for 70,000… I believe that number means more in the heart of God than 500,000, 1,000,000 or 1,500,000 would mean to me.

The busload of people I went with were some of the most awesome believers I have ever met. I really fell in love with that group, and their love for one another (and others) and their culture of prayer was absolutely breathtaking.

On the way back, God decided to really mess us up. Just a few hours into our trip back, our bus broke down in Lexington, Virginia. At first, the fact that we were stuck in this small city frazzled us (we weren’t sure if we were anywhere near civilization at first), but as we started rolling with the punches, God’s plan unfurled. We did some sightseeing of Stonewall Jackson’s grave, and we all sat down to pray and discuss the prophetic meaning of “stone wall.”

That night, we had a prayer meeting that I won’t soon forget. The bus company put us up in a hotel owned and operated by an awesome christian family. They let us use the back room after they closed down for our prayer meeting. One of the members of our party was a paralytic, who was confined to a wheelchair. After several minutes of intense and prevailing prayer, she regained feeling in one of her legs and was able to stand with help, but not walk yet. I went back to the hotel, and on the way up to my floor, someone shouted that she was now walking! We all lost it and started worshipping Jesus at the top of our lungs, screaming “Hallelujah!!” as we ran back downstairs. I saw this sister who had been confined to a wheelchair with incurable paralysis walk, run, dance and worship Jesus with no physical limitations… we were all beside ourselves, and several people were kneeling in the grass, weeping and praising God.

The next day really ministered to me as well, as several believers prayed for my healing, physically and emotionally. I really met the Lord there and my heart was really refreshed. Oh, the glory of a prophetic company!

On the bus ride back, I was literally weeping… All I could think about is coming back to a barren environment in my city and my church, and other situations in my life that seemed to have a lot of death. I dreaded it, but the Lord is still meeting me as I set aside time to talk to Him.

I sure miss the fellowship, though.

I hope to have links to some of my videos of The Call posted soon.

So many times, my walk with God is up and down. Recently, He’s been smoothing out the curve a lot, and I’m very thankful for that. A lot of that has had to do with me coming into a sold understanding of my identity in Him.

A simple encouragement the Lord gave me today was:

Don’t fret about how soon you feel like you’ve cooled off of a high from a conference or encounter. Just press into Me.

So, I am endeavoring to pursue Him more consistently. I am so thankful for His wonderful presence which rushes to meet me every time I draw near to Him. I am carving out a place on my desk where I an just seek Him out in His word, with prayer. I feel like I’ve been well trained (by Him) in how to seek Him at church, in prayer meetings, in worship services, and out in the field when He calls on me to go somewhere to intercede. But I have been very lax in my pursuit of Him in the simplicity of my prayer closet. I’m thankful for the grace to be able to remedy that.