Learning to lean

I got home from work tonight and immediately crashed on the couch. I was tired and extremely frustrated from work, and also starting to feel sick. I really hate feeling sick.

After I woke up from a critically-needed nap and had some chicken-noodle soup (good for what ails you, they say), I laid down on the couch, petting my cats. All of the confusion and aggravation of the day seemed to swirl around me. I felt let down (by God) because of the difficulty of the job, and because of the sickness that was beginning to manifest in my body, and I could feel my sense of hope receding.

I started playing a song on my cell phone; it was a recording of a live worship set by Laura Hackett from IHOP-KC:

There is no pit too deep

that Jesus cannot reach.

There is no sorrow so strong,

that would overtake Your beloved one.

And He’s brought me to the wilderness,

where I will learn to sing.

And He lets me know my barrenness,

so I will learn to lean.

On that very last part, the revelation and comfort of God came crashing into the room. With weeping, I came to the realization of what God was up to, yet again.

In every trial, God’s goal is not to have me grovel as a subservient creature (I am that, and less), but to have me wholly lean and depend on Him, as my Father, as my saviour, as the Lover of my soul.

He is the One who desires to walk with me in the mundaneness and barrenness of everyday life. He desires me to lean on Him and walk with Him, through all of the little hurts and aggravations. He will attack my self-conceited independence with His loving zeal, until all my heart is His, until everything in my life is in His presence, until we are one.

Lord, consume until there is nothing left of me that would choose to be apart from thee!

Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
leaning on her beloved?

Sweet Detour

Tonight, after our prayer meeting, I went out for a milkshake with a dear brother from our prayer group. We talked for about an hour about what God is doing in our midst, and towards the end I shared the ache of my heart to see some of the reality of God manifest in our midst; in holiness, deliverance, healing and revival.

I shared a recording of a live Misty Edwards worship set from IHOP, where she sang:

I still believe:

In the fullness of You.

You said in the latter days –

I still believe.

No disease known to man will stand.

I still believe:

That You will set my heart on fire.

I still believe:

That You will manifest Your power.

I still believe. I still believe.

Because I’m so grateful for all that You’ve given.

And I will not despise the day of small beginnings,

But God, I’m so hungry for the more.

I still believe. I still believe.

I’m so grateful for Your hand, and I’m so grateful for all You’re moving, I’m so grateful for where You’ve brought us –

But God, but God…

I still believe:

For the greater works than these.

I still believe:

For the power on the heart and the power on the hands, I believe:

That we will be a people that love You undividedly.

I still believe.

I still believe:

That Your name will be glorified.

I still believe.

I still believe:

In the middle of worship, Your presence will show up like never before.

I believe it, I believe it!

I still believe:

The stadiums will be filled with the fear of the Lord and the love of the Lord.

I believe it, I believe it!

I still believe:

That no disease known to man will stand.

I still believe in the coming rain.

And I still believe:There’ll be a place where a young man can find deliverance.

I still believe it! I still believe it! I still believe it!

And I still believe:

Many, many, many souls will come in, like the flowers of the field,

I still believe.

And I still believe:

A great awakening is coming to this land,

I still believe!

And I still believe:

The dead will rise, I believe it!

The lame will walk, I believe it, I can see it!

The deaf will hear, I believe it!

And I still believe:

That the fear of the Lord will be our portion, as the multitude see the demonstrations of power in our midst.

And I believe it.

And I still believe. I still believe:

That the dreamers will dream and the prophets will prophesy, I still believe.

And I still believe:

In that latter, latter rain. I still believe. I still believe.

So open up the heavens, just let it rain, let it rain, let it rain!

The dead will rise and testify.

I can see it and I believe it.

The blind will see and many will believe.

And I can see a great awakening, I can see a great outpouring, in the midst of a great shaking.

I believe it, I believe it.

There’ll be a sign in the heaven and a wonder in the earth, and many, many, many will see and believe and tremble, and fear You, and fear You again.

I believe, and I can see the clouds are gathering, even now, even now make us ready for the rain.

Anyway, I was sharing my heart with my brother out of this song, and when I left, I started heading back home.

Usually, I just make a beeline for the house, but I felt the Lord leading me a different way. At first I ignored it, but only a block or so into my regular (direct) route home, I took a U-turn and went back, and took the route I felt the Lord leading me on, which was totally inefficient (by my reckoning) and out of the way.

I started driving while listening to the song, and I started to really feel the Holy Spirit speak to me through the song. I really identified with His desire to manifest His power on the earth, and His desire for a resting place (Psalm 132) on the earth.

There were parts of the song while I was driving around (seemingly aimlessly, but totally in the will and plan of God) that I just sobbed openly, seeing and tasting God’s desire for planet earth — His desire to transform our lives (and our planet), hampered only by our utter contempt for His presence (I speak of Christians, not unbelievers).

At the end, when I finally started heading towards home, I could feel God’s thankfulness… that I stayed in His presence and listened to His heart concerning a matter, through a song. Friendship with God really blows my mind, especially considering what a weak and flawed vessel I am.

You are still holy

This weekend, the Lord had me go and visit some friends in Marshall, TX, rather than go and spend time with family as I usually do on the fourth of July.

As we were driving to a friend’s house, a song came on the car stereo that really took me back. It was Kari Jobe singing “You are still holy.”

This really struck my heart and I remembered hearing Misty Edwards sing the song a couple years back, and how deeply it impacted me then.

Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes

Lord, I don’t deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Saviour
And I’m at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up ’til now
It belongs to You
You are still holy

I really had a moment worshiping the Lord in the van there, and the song put to rest so many questions I had lingering issues in my life, and healed so much of the aimless wandering of the last couple of years.

No matter what the rest of my life looks life, my primary occupation will be loving Jesus. I’m not going to be anxious for what I think my life should be. As long as He is in the center of it, everything else can look horrible on the outside and it won’t matter.

Alive again!

I haven’t posted anything in a while, other than some little tweets and much (mostly) pointless facebooking. I remember reading a post from David Sliker’s blog which said that his wife can tell where his heart is at based upon how recently he has posted to his blog. This is also very true of me. I haven’t posted anything in 7 months, and it has certainly been a dry spell.

I was driving home from work and I felt so “dry and crusty.” I was talking to the Lord during my drive, because I really wanted Him to interrupt and re-invigorate my ever-so “Blah” existence. I really wanted Him to direct me to a place of encounter so I could meet with Him. I was desperate because for so long I had denied Him by saying in my heart, “I’m doing ok on my own, I don’t need Your presence, God.” I remember so many instances in the last two weeks when He came to visit me (especially during work), and I just ignored Him, because I thought I was doing ok on my own.

I’m really thankful that the Lord totally blasted me with His Life, and gave me more revelation of His heart. I really had a heart cry out of Psalm 49:

Psa 49:3 My mouth shall speak wisdom, And the meditation of my heart [shall give] understanding.

It made me think… What is the meditation of my heart? Is it wisdom? Is it revelation? Is God in there hardly at all?

I’ve also been dealing with how seriously Facebook and Twitter have stolen my blogging thunder. Why spend the time to put your thought into elegant flowing prose* when you can

mash out 140 chars of TEH schweet tweets?

*Okay, nothing on my blog may pass as truly elegant prose, but at least there’s no character limit. 140 characters isn’t writing, it’s a thought packet. Makes me think of 1984 and “Newspeak”

The rewards of saying “Yes”

As I was driving towards home tonight, I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit to go aside so we could spend some time together. (Is that awesome or what?) Unfortunately, I had a lot to do to get ready for my trip to IHOP tomorrow.

However, I’ve been up at 5:00am the past two nights to watch the God.TV daily devotional. Mike has been teaching on James 1:4:

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (ESV)

I wish I could remember more of the teaching, but I wrote down that scripture and a couple others on an index card and took it to work with me. When work got dull or frustrating, and I wanted to hop on a time-wasting website, I just remembered that verse about persevering (steadfastness). Other times recently when I have felt the Lord’s presence restraining me (e.g. “Ok son, lets shift away from that time-wasting activity…”), I have tried to stop as quickly as possible and shift into what He wants me to do.

Let me tell you, trying to be obedient in this simple area the last couple of days has had an awesome effect on me! There’s nothing worse than closing out a day feeling quenched in your spirit and barren in your heart because you’ve wasted so much of the day, and against His admonition. Thank God for His grace and the ability to get back in His will, but it’s so awesome to go a whole day without getting out of sync and feeling quenched!

I wanted to encourage all the readers out there (lurkers, I should say… make a comment already!): Understand and remember the grace of God. Read Romans 8:1 until it is weaved into your spirit… THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION!! No matter what happened, as long as you’re born again and have repented, you are not a failure in God’s eyes!

One of the things that the Lord showed me not too long ago which so reassured my heart was that I was a success in His eyes, because after all the years I’ve known Him, I still choose Him and love Him… That I have a rich history in Him (even in the midst of what I’d call failures and even falling into sin), and in a time that the nations are becoming increasingly anti-Christ, I still love Him. That counts a LOT in the heart of God, even if you feel like you are a very weak christian. Just keep pressing in and receive the encouragement of the Holy Spirit, good bible teachers, and especially friends that are pressing into God alongside you.

Blessings!

Consistency

The Lord has been speaking to me about consistency…

So many times, my walk with God is up and down. Recently, He’s been smoothing out the curve a lot, and I’m very thankful for that. A lot of that has had to do with me coming into a sold understanding of my identity in Him.

A simple encouragement the Lord gave me today was:

Don’t fret about how soon you feel like you’ve cooled off of a high from a conference or encounter. Just press into Me.

So, I am endeavoring to pursue Him more consistently. I am so thankful for His wonderful presence which rushes to meet me every time I draw near to Him. I am carving out a place on my desk where I an just seek Him out in His word, with prayer. I feel like I’ve been well trained (by Him) in how to seek Him at church, in prayer meetings, in worship services, and out in the field when He calls on me to go somewhere to intercede. But I have been very lax in my pursuit of Him in the simplicity of my prayer closet. I’m thankful for the grace to be able to remedy that.

Awaken Love

…I am listening to Sean Feucht’s “Awaken Love” song on the Burn website here at work…

…and my heart is ready to throw off all its chains.

God, it’s time… set us all free… free from the useless distractions that catch our eyes from day to day.

Awaken love. It pleases. Please.
 
 
 
It’s all about the Relationship
 
 
 
How dare we get caught up in our petty agendas, doctrinal disputes, and the anointing we think we have… Someday soon someone with a very simple mind and a totally pure heart is going to pick up a bible and start praying… and will shake the nations… with a purity that we cannot fathom, while we are so busy justifying our incessant quests for self-gratification and entertainment. There is no shortcut to intimacy with the Bridegroom.

God, awaken love! Put an end to the charade… the show…

“You’re rising up like the morning sun
Shining down salvation
Let Your Spirit awaken
Awaken Love”

A Simple Prayer

Father,

Come into me

    Bring Your fire

    Bring Your desire

    Bring the yearnings and groans of Your heart

and

    Bring me into the knowledge of You

 

WAKE ME UP

 

Maimed, but saved

Mat 5:29 “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
Mat 5:30 “And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Both the right hand and the right eye are extremely important in the bible. Jesus is saying you have to value your sanctification and your access into eternity with Him far more than even things that are “vital” to your natural life. I have recently bumped up the level of protection on my internet content filter from what’s called a “blacklist,” blocking what’s known to be bad but letting everything else in, to a “whitelist,” which only allows you to access the web sites that you specifically allow. I did this after I wasted a lot of time last saturday surfing the web.

Scripture references:

Right eye:

1Sa 11:2 And Nahash the Ammonite answered them, “On this [condition] I will make [a covenant] with you, that I may put out all your right eyes, and bring reproach on all Israel.”
[ Zec 11:17 "Woe to the worthless shepherd, Who leaves the flock! A sword [shall be] against his arm And against his right eye; His arm shall completely wither, And his right eye shall be totally blinded.”

Right hand:

Gen 35:18 And so it was, as her soul was departing (for she died), that she called his name Ben-Oni; but his father called him Benjamin. [Benjamin = "Son of the right hand"]
Gen 48:14 Then Israel stretched out his right hand and laid [it] on Ephraim’s head, who [was] the younger, and his left hand on Manasseh’s head, guiding his hands knowingly, for Manasseh [was] the firstborn.
Exd 15:6 “Your right hand, O LORD, has become glorious in power; Your right hand, O LORD, has dashed the enemy in pieces.
Deu 33:2 And he said: “The LORD came from Sinai, And dawned on them from Seir; He shone forth from Mount Paran, And He came with ten thousands of saints; From His right hand [Came] a fiery law for them.
1Ki 2:19 Bathsheba therefore went to King Solomon, to speak to him for Adonijah. And the king rose up to meet her and bowed down to her, and sat down on his throne and had a throne set for the king’s mother; so she sat at his right hand.
Job 40:14 Then I will also confess to you That your own right hand can save you.
Psa 16:8 I have set the LORD always before me; Because [He is] at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Psa 16:11 You will show me the path of life; In Your presence [is] fullness of joy; At Your right hand [are] pleasures forevermore.

(more verses…)

Overcoming the world

 Jhn 16:33     These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
Rom 12:21     Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
1Jo 2:13     I write to you, fathers, Because you have known Him [who is] from the beginning. I write to you, young men, Because you have overcome the wicked one. I write to you, little children, Because you have known the Father.
1Jo 2:14     I have written to you, fathers, Because you have known Him [who is] from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, Because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, And you have overcome the wicked one.
1Jo 4:4     You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
1Jo 5:4     For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world–our faith.
1Jo 5:5     Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?
Rev 2:7     “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.” ‘
Rev 2:11     “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes shall not be hurt by the second death.” ‘
Rev 2:17     “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name written which no one knows except him who receives [it].” ‘
Rev 2:26     And he who overcomes, and keeps My works until the end, to him I will give power over the nations–
Rev 3:5     He who overcomes shall be clothed in white garments, and I will not blot out his name from the Book of Life; but I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels.
Rev 3:12     He who overcomes, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall go out no more. I will write on him the name of My God and the name of the city of My God, the New Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from My God. And [I will write on him] My new name.
Rev 3:21     To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.
Rev 17:14     These will make war with the Lamb, and the Lamb will overcome them, for He is Lord of lords and King of kings; and those [who are] with Him [are] called, chosen, and faithful.”
Rev 21:7     He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.