I remember this…

I’ve been in a season of transition for the past few months (in other words, I’m trying to figure out how to make a living without hating the process), and I decided yesterday (Sunday) to spend every evening I could at my church’s prayer room, which is open on most weekday evenings. I was hoping to get some insight about my career and sort some things out “upstairs,” but I got more than I expected in the best way possible: tonight felt like waking up from a long sleep, spiritually.
I’ve been to our prayer room many times over the past couple years, though definitely not as often or as regularly as I would have liked. Every time I was there, whether during an internship or as an excursion out of my “regular life,” I either felt like I was coming up for air after holding my breath after a long time, or like I was frantically trying to take a quick sip from a well in the middle of a desert. Clumsy analogies aside, I felt I was there to get something that would help me on my life’s journey, particularly a feeling of joy and fulfillment in the midst of a life that was far too hectic, disorganized, and confused.

I entitled this post “I remember this,” because that is precisely how I felt tonight, like waking up after a years-long stupor. What I remembered was the understanding of the house of prayer as a destination, rather than a quick filling station. I remembered the calling to a life of prayer and conscious intimacy with my Savior, and for the first time in a long time, that recollection did not arouse feelings of guilt, fear, or jaded cynicism.

This blog hasn’t been updated very frequently in the past six years, and to be honest, I haven’t been able to relate to the person who wrote these first blog posts for a long time. Tonight was the first glimpse of who I was a decade ago, underneath many layers of doubt and exasperation.

I remember what it means to be called as an intercessor (a person focused on prayer). I remember what it meant to have a life that’s not just about survival and making to the weekend/payday.

4 thoughts on “I remember this…

  1. Hi, This is kinda awkward as I don’t know who you, are but the minuet I came to look at your blog, I was stirred. You are in transition,but where you are going in not on your radar so much. The whirlwind of God is coming for you and your house to take you to places you would not have gone yourself, nor would you have wanted to. This is a heads up fro the Lord. Change, radical for you and your house. Transition, as you said it at the top of this post, does not cover what God is about to do to Eckbolo- thrust you into the harvest. The whirlwind of God is blowing, it is coming for you and your house, amen.

    Blessings, thanks for following my blog. didn’t really expect to have a word like that. But we are in the greatest season of transition our generation has ever seen. Everything is changing and God is going to thrust His people into the vacuum that is created in times of great shift. This is the answer from heaven to the great rebellion of the 60-70’s. This is the hour when God moves at the sound of your voice in dramatic ways. I just keep hearing this for you, who ever you are, great change is coming, disruptive but very good. It is the answer to the cry of your heart saint.

    Blessings!

    1. >>> The whirlwind of God is coming for you and your house to take you to places you would not have gone yourself, nor would you have wanted to.

      Man, that nailed it. Thank you for sharing.

      That was two years ago, and the journey since then has been rockier than ever.
      Three months after I wrote those words, I would leave the church I had loved so much under painful circumstances. It was the Lord, but it was mixed with immaturity and a lack of faith/trust on my part.

      Since those days, I have witnessed the church descending into utter madness, with hideous nationalistic idolatry either romanticized or at least ignored at every church I go to.

      Then, I see the nation and the world at large rocked with pestilence while the leadership vacuum in the nation fumbles for an answer.

      Yeah bro, these are definitely days I would have rather skipped. I knew they were coming, but I did not realize how deep it would go, and how much the church would be compromised by it.

      1. Funny thing, I didn’t even realize the post was two years old! I saw March 6th. Probably would have ignored what I was feeling if I had seen the year. I was somewhat anxious about having posted that, glad it was accurate ;).Many of us have been set up in the last several years through different kinds of struggle to be in place for this coming move. Hold on, from what I keep feeling it’s going to be a wild ride. Church as we have known it is changing. Blessing friend. Do you mind sharing your name? You caan email it if you want haybark@hotmail.com

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s